You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times,
so take a good look around,
you may not know it now,
but you're gonna miss this
This song brings me to tears every time I hear it. It's so true, I'm sure I will look back and miss all this... but right now, in the midst of it all, I can't help but want it to all be over. I am so tired of being sick, of getting sick every day, of not wanting to eat because I will feel crappy afterwards. Of taking so many medications every day, day in and day out. And sadly, of each night with Maddie that she cries so much and neither of us sleep well. Waking up feeling worse than when I went to bed, starting the day reaching for a diet coke - the cheapest caffeine fix I can get. Not wanting visitors, not wanting to leave the house. Not liking what I see in the mirror. So it's so hard to imagine missing all this, and yet, I know that despite all the crying, I will miss these times when she was so tiny and would smile at me, giggle at my silly songs and when I do raspberries on her belly. She's sleeping peacefully next to me now in her bed, looking so sweet, in an adorable little outfit. I feel selfish and bad to wish that she would sleep well at night too... like it's not good enough that she's alive and healthy, thriving and growing.
